aesthetic response: raw beginnings

Raw beginnings. Wild eyeball of the Earth
spirit in a multi-layer portal to something good
that may come. Find my roots in the shitty
storm even when my hands are shaking.
I’ve lived my anger that I don’t deserve,
even when I don’t have a big vocabulary
and people are hating me.
Regardless of deep fear
of abandonment I answer every call;
I throw myself straight at life
and jump into dance with it.
I’m scared that I’m 15 now,
and I’ll be the elder
when my parents’ are gone.
So meeting life in silent ways
at times in all kinds of different places.
Thank you is the first thing
that hits my morning, then I wonder
how to say goodbye.
“The incredible world that I’ve
in my head and how to release it
without being torn to pieces.
But a 1000 times rather be torn
to pieces than bury it, or retain it in me,”
said F. Kafka. I got up at 6 in the morning,
beauty and surrender. I am grateful
for the quietness,
I am landing.

[This is my aesthetic response to a way of council circle on Feb 14, 2019 in Shawnigan Lake. I painted and jotted down lines or words shared by people while I participated in the circle. I then created this poem by arranging all the words I had jotted down. There were about 11 of us in the circle. The youngest was15, the older was in mid-60.]

by Gracelynn Lau (Feb 14, 2019)